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Spirit

"I can't do it all on my own, I'm no Superman" - Scrubs Theme

Send e-mail to spirit_of_83@yahoo.com

About Spirit

Excuse me. Could I have the attention of the class for one second? This is a public service announcement, this is only a test. At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Afraid of feeling nothing, no bees or butterflies. My head is full of voices, and my house is full of lies. Ignore reality, there's nothing you can do about it. Like devils on rollerskates, down at the roller rink. Like devils on sugar smacks down at the Radio Shack. Everything's so blurry. Well ok, I still get stoned; I'm not the kind of girl you take home. We went searching through thrift store jungles. Found Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo, and Benny Goodman's corset and pen. Is this the real life, is this just fantasy? I'd rather be anything but ordinary please. I thought I saw a man brought to life. They say he's alive but the flies make me wonder why. And the joke is, when he awoke his body was covered in coke fizz. Well ok, I made this up. I promised you I'd never give up. I drew a picture of a pair of wings, because I want to fly. My mother asked me to explain, I said that I would try. Every day I fight a war against the mirror; I can't take the person staring back at me. And every now and then I spend my time at rhyme and verse and curse those faults in me. Mirror, mirror on the wall; tell me why we make things fall. Mirror, mirror, look at me; tell me why we disagree. Is it because my life is ten shades of gray? I pray all ten fade away. All these words, they make no sense; I found bliss in ignorance. The less I hear, the less you say; you'll find that out anyway. Close your eyes, close your eyes; breathe the air out there. We are free, we can be wide open. For you opened my eyes to the beauty I see. We will pray to stay wide open. Don't analyse, don't analyse; don't go that way, don't live that way. That would paralyse your revolution. It's so hard to think it ends sometimes, and this could be the last. I should really hear you sing again, I should really watch you dance. Because it's hard to think I'll never get another chance to hold you. We tried to wash our hands of all of this. We never talk of our lack in relationships, and how we're guilt-stricken, sobbing with our heads on the floor. I heard you say the past was much more fun. What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept? What part of your memory is selective, and tends to forget? The angry boy, a bit too insane; icing over a secret pain. Please don't remind me, put your past behind me; it shines so bright it blinds me. I wish that it would end, and I am not fine. If you could see right through the greed, and on your knees, you'd realize that you were just about as bad as me. Standin' in line at the show tonight, and there's a light on. You can't judge me, your God loves me; put me in jail if you don't trust me. I can't believe in anything sacred when I don't believe that I am real. I need someone to break the silence teeming in my heart, and my soul. I'm tearing away; pieces are falling, I can't seem to make them stay. You run away; faster, and faster, you can't seem to get away. I'm looking at my watch, at all the time that's been stolen. The tick-tock of the clock is painful. All's sane and logical; I want to tear it off the wall. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Tomorrow is too late to pretend everything's alright now. I wish I could count to ten, make everything be wonderful again. My head is numb, my eyes are red; my soul is weak, my heart's like lead. But you make it go away. I wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees. Find a way to lie about a home I'll never see. Lonely feeling deep inside; find a corner where I can hide. Silent footsteps crowding me; sudden darkness, but I can see. In the morning I get up, and I try to feel alive; but I can't. I don't know what it is; something in me just won't give me a chance. There's a little pile of ashes where my old life used to be; credit cars and memories, all dumped into the sea. Dead man walking, river I'm talking to myself. Save me from going mental. Save me from just spinning out. I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend. You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in. And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand. I've left Bethlehem, and I feel free; I've left the girl I was supposed to be. The right to be silent, and then to be heard. Don't feel sad, two out of three ain't bad. Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows? Only time. Who can say if your love grows as your heart chokes? Only time. Why are you doing what you're doing? You should be doing what you want. I won't answer to no one, until I feel I'm ready to. I'm gonna have my fun doing the things I like to do. I've got no strife, I'm loving life. Could you say the same? It's simple, but I can't explain this. I'm sinking down, I feel like I could die. I'm falling off, I don't know why. Everytime I think that I'm the only one who's lonely, someone calls on me. I'm not alone 'cause my tv's on, yeah. I'm not crazy 'cause I take the right pills every day. Down a hole, up a rope. Down some pills, up some hope. Did it on Ritelon, I got me some good grades. Follow me into the desert as thirsty as you are. Crack a smile, and cut your mouth, and drown in alcohol. Scars are souviniers you never lose, the past is never far. When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know you're alive. The world is a vampire, sent to drain; secret destroyers hold you up to the flames. Wake up the house is on fire, and the cat's caught in the dryer. There's a riot in the kitchen and the bed's on fire. Light the sky and hold on tight, the world is burning down. Goodbye, goodbye to all the fake people in my life; I never wanted you around me, so be on your way. Guess who's back, back again. Yes, it's me, and I'm back. Never did I want to be here again, and I don't remember why I came. There'll be no rest for these tired eyes. I'm marking it down to learning, I am. The one who never slept in order to be perfect. The arrogance of their hands, the joy of their regret. Fall together, and once abandoned. You hold me close and whisper love is forever. I still believe you when you say it's another perfect day. You're feeling guilty, and I'm well aware; but you don't look ashamed, and baby I'm not scared. You left without saying goodbye, although I'm sure you tried. It's not the things you do that tease and hurt me bad; but it's the way you do the things you do to me. And underneath the skin, the truth is breaking through. So they just sewed me up and spit me out, and I can't change it, I can't change this. I know, I know I could change; but that's beyond the question. Oh, here you are. You're not supposed to be that way. There's bodies in the water, and bodies in your basement. If heaven's for clean people, it's vacant. Follow the leader down, and swallow your pride and drown. When there's no place left to go, maybe that's when you will know. My life is changing every day in every possible way. All I want is some energy, the ultimate discovery. Electric blue for me, ever more to be free. Forgotten, but not gone, you drink it off your mind. You talk about the world like it's some place that you've been. I don't mind being knocked on, ridiculed, made to feel miniscule; when you consider the source, it's kind of pitiful. The only thing you know about me is... That's all you'll ever know. You'll never silence the voice of the voiceless. We are, we are the youth of the nation. Did it to hurt yourself. Couldn't you wash the blood away? Didn't you love yourself? Couldn't you see the truth? Didn't you wake to see the light? Couldn't you hear the truth? Confucious might have been confused, and Buddha might have blown a fuse; I ooze the muse. Forget the knives, the money; we're in this together. And through it all they say nothing's forever. They refuse to see the change in me, why won't they wake up? Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me. It's not about you, I'm finally walking. I'm singing inside, I can't hear you talking. I lean against the wind, prentend that I am weightless, and in this moment I am happy. What's that in the corner? It's too dark to see. What's that noise I'm hearing? Who's that calling me? I will dedicate and sacrifice my everything for just one second's worth of how my story's ending. And I wish I could know if all the directions that I take, and the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing. In your life you get so high, there's nowhere left to go but down. Maybe I could do a play-by-blayback. I could change the test results that I will get back. I want to do whatever, laugh until September. And I seem to think that you were once here with me. Maybe I was wrong, you were moving on. Your teeth are sharp, and your nails are too; master, master I'm hopeless with you. My head is in the gutter. Thank you sir, strike up another mandolin of discipline. Throw me to the dogs, let them eat my flesh down to the wood; it feels so good. Disappointment haunting all my dreams. When it all boils down, and all this ends, you turn around and you've got no friends. I wish my friends could see me now. I only see myself reflected in your eyes. I am not here, I think I've never been here at all, or ever will. I feel like a place where no one goes anymore. Stained again by a friend, cut yourself back down to size. Something in this world needs a change. One day you will realize that you were wrong, you'll regret that all this happened. Some day you'll realize that you were wrong; liquid paranoia is your only friend. White night, strange city, mad music all around. Midnight, street magic, crazy people; a crazy sound. Rock on, rock on; drive me crazy, uh. No serenade, no fire brigade, just the pyromania. Cold yielding breath for instant isolation far more sinister than the price of doubt; yet you remain. Still you remain. And she says: Pray for daylight, pray for morning; pray for an end to our deception. This looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me 'cause we need a little controversy; cause it feels so empty without me. I'm just a man, that's all I am, but I can take it just like any other can. I'm on a mission into destination unknown; an expedition in the desolation road where I'm a castaway, going at it alone. I want to be the minority, I don't need your authority. Down with the moral majority, 'cause I want to be the minority. They always come unglued. And they're gonna get high, when they're low. The fire burns from better days. And she screamed 'Why, oh why?'. I said 'I don't know'. The catastrophic hymms from yesterday of misery. They try, but there's no momentum. They try, but don't we all? And all I can breathe is your life. And sooner or later it's over, I just don't want to miss you tonight. I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep; 'cause I'd miss you babe, and I don't want to miss a thing. Life is an aimless drive that you take alone. Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home. As you auction off your life for the most expensive price. Going once, going twice, it's gone. Hey, don't write yourself off yet; it's only in your head you feel left out, or looked down on. Step into a world where there's no one left. Somewhere in the darkness I stand, watching and waiting again. Somwhere in the darkness she cries. And I hear the silence die, the silence. Her lips are cold like death, and she steals away my last breath as I reach into her soul and coldly let her go, I let her go. She cries; children often do when they're cold, and hungry too. Come closer, look deeply in her eyes; so delicate, quite unlike her smile. Life clinging backwards, in the fall of dread confusion. I beg to differ, on the contrary; I agreee with everything that you say. The point is not the grammar, it's the feeling. You can't have my aggrevation, you can't have the hate that it brings. You can't have my absence of faith; you can have my everything. Have you ever wondered if this was ever more than a crazy idea? It's like I'm paranoid, looking over my back. It's like a whirlwind inside of my head. It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within. It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin. As soon as I belong, then it's time I disappear.

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